happy accident

i don’t believe in fate,

that’s why i like to think our meeting was

a happy accident.

it could’ve happened anywhere and at any time,

in a thousand different ways.

if one thing had been slightly different,

who knows where we’d be now.

we might’ve never even met,

or we might not be the way we are now.

sometimes i wonder if i had been a bit more vocal,

a tad bolder, where would my life be?

but then i realise i might be in a place where you aren’t

and i’m not okay with that.

things happen for a reason,

i have to believe that, or my life would fall apart.

us meeting, when we did and how we did,

happened for a reason

and we are where we are because of our decisions

and our conscious (maybe sometimes subconscious) choices

on what we thought was best at the time.

my problem is that I think what’s best for others is if they’re happy.

i never consider what’s best for me first.

never ever.

and that’s probably a big issue.

i also hate being the cause (even if I’m not actually) of pain and sadness to others.

but i’m learning. slowly and surely… i hope.

if one small thing didn’t happen,

or if it had happened in some other way,

we wouldn’t be ourselves or where we are…

and that thought is as scary as it is hopeful.

it’s terrifyingly shattering and affirming of all my beliefs all at once.

i like to think that we’re a happy accident, a collision that wasn’t meant to happen but now that it has, you’re stuck and i’m stuck but i’d rather be stuck with you than floating freely anywhere else.

maybe i do believe in fate after all.